03-03-09 Tuesday

B-1 coffee HC CO AS (only 1 )

L-McDouble w/bottom bun only
1 c milk, 8 ritz w/butter
few bites Hubby's LC sandwich

D-Spaghetti squash w/meat sauce
SF Tang/2 T flax seed

SN-none yet


no walk, ok, time to scold myself on this matter......BAD ME!!!!! BAD!!!! BAD!!!!!

I woke this morning thinking about yesterday and how very on the edge I am at any given moment. I often say that their is a 500 pound person living inside me and I have to REALLY fight to keep her at bay. Some days she is just kicking and screaming to get out. Yesterday was one of those days. I'm not sure why she was so loud yesterday, might of had to do with my food choices on Saturday( It was Hubby's Birthday celebration and I chose to join in.) or it just could have been hormones.
Whatever the reason, it makes me think about just how close I am at any moment to plunging head first into my addiction. Yes, I consider food my addiction. I'm no different than an alcoholic or a drug addict. I could lose control at any time, for any reason. Yesterday I just wanted that AWWWHHHH moment you get when you take your first bite of a delicious food (carbs). It's like a sweet release and a tiny tingle moves thru out your body. You can feel your whole body relax after that bite. I imagine it would be the same with an alcoholic when he/she gets her first taste of alcohol.
I know some of you are gonna think I've done and gone off the deep end. I don't think everyone who is overweight nessaceraly is addicted to food. I know my husband does not suffer from these issues. He is just an overeater. He really only eats when he is hungry. He doesn't eat because it's in front of him, it looks good or because he is craving.( I sometimes wonder how much of his being overweight is my fault. He was not overweight when we meant. ) So, I know some of you who are reading this will not understand where I'm coming from. That's ok, I hope you never find out.


Vadim said...

I surely is not one of those people. I so understand you! Yet you are doing so well. Not bad at all, keep it up sister!

NewVision said...

I know you have really struggled Vadim, Hopefully we can figure this out together. Hang in there!