12-17-08 Wednesday *

B- 2 c coffee HC CO AS
(382 cals - 5.2 carbs)

L- Nothing

SN (3pm) 1 oz Walnuts (190 cals - 2 carbs)

D- 6 oz sirloin steak ( 230 cals - 0 carb)
w/ 2 T. one carb catchup (10 cals - 2 carbs)
1 1/2 c Medley Veggies (carrots, Brocolli and cauliflower)
(60 cals - 6 carbs)
w/ 1 T. cheese whiz (45 cals - 2 carbs)

SN- 2 Russell Stovers SF toffee square (132 cals - 15.2 carbs)

Total calories=1049
Total carbs =32.4

I'm posting my response to yesterdays post.
I'm actually glad no one has noticed my weight loss yet. I remember a few years ago when I went for 311 to 230 (which was my lowest) when people started to noticed. I did not like it at all. I kind of feel like now, that may have been my down fall. It was early spring when people started to notice. I had been bundled up all winter, so no one really saw me without all my winter gear on. But when it came time to shed the extra clothes all of a sudden people noticed. I really think thats what did it for me. I didn't gain all the weight back, about 40 pounds or so. So now I'm dealing with getting close to that # again............
I'm ok with it though, I'm ready to go on and be comfortable with me. I guess now I know to prepare myself for the comments. So it was a learning experience. I just wish it hadn't taken me so long to be ready again. :(

After I posted this I thought about it more and more.
I need to do the mental work this time around. I've been trying to do this. But it is a long process.

I picked up the January 2009 issue of O magazine today. Oprah is talking about her recent weight gain and the troubles she has had in the past. In her reflection she says what she has learned this year is "My weight issue isn't about eating less or working out harder, or even about my malfunctioning thyroid. It's about my life being out of balance, with too much work and not enough play, not enough time to calm down, I let the well run dry." "I don't have a weight problem - I have a self care problem that manifest through weight." she also says "In order to not abuse food, I have to stay fully conscious and aware, of every bite, of taking time and chewing slowly. I have to focus on being fully alive, awake, present, and engaged, connected in every area of my life. Right now"
This just sent chills through me. I feel the EXACT same way right now. I know I have to stay VERY focused if I'm going to do this. But it does get exhausting. I think this is what happened a few years ago. I was so focused, that it didn't occur to me that other people would eventually notice. It's a personal issue with me. I want to work on me without the whole world knowing. But, like Oprah my issues manifest through weight. Eventually people are gonna notice, like it or not. I just need to be prepared for it.


Vadim said...

Hey, cheer up! You lost weight! You! So waht if people do not notice. First of all your body will appreciate it and I am sure you do mentally too. You dont need validation of others to allow youself feel good about the results of your hard work! Keep it up, and listen dont ever feel shy reminding people to compliment you. A woman is allowed to be acknowledged for her hard work in whatever it is, weight or otherwise!

pooti said...

NewVision - you are really doin the headwork and that's fantastic! You can do this! And the important thing to know is that you are doing this for you! So put blinders on and pretend there is no one else around you.

I do understand and empathize though. It just sucks that our issues are worn "on the outside".

NewVision said...

I think you missed the point Vadim, I DON'T WANT to be noticed. I just want to quietly lose weight, be healthy and not be noticed AT ALL. Guess I'm shy THAT way. LOL :)

NewVision said...

Thanks Pooti,
I will remember my blinders from now on. thanks!

sybilizedliving.wordpress.com said...

I'm with pooti....it's great that you are doing the 'headwork'. I think when we fail to work on the emotional/mental side of fat removal, we are destined to regain.

I know for myself, I need to stay very aware of what I'm feeling and thinking because I am only one bite away from being back at 300 pounds. I guess 'cuz I abused food for too long or used food for non hunger issues...whatever the reason, I think many of us need to stay ever aware of what we are feeling and try not to use food to deal with feelings/emotions.

Just my opinion....

Anonymous said...

It's very interesting-that people noticing would bother you. If I lost weight and people said "great" etc. I might be thinking subconciously: "Hey, I'm still in control here, it's none of your business, if I want to be fat, I'll be fat, if I want to be thin, I'll be thin. I WILL NOT be pressured to stay thin to keep your approval." Something like that where you'd automatically want to buck up against them. Not sure all that was clear, hope it was. Does any of that feel right to you? For me, I think it would have something to do with "people aren't going to tell me what to do with something so personal as my own body weight!" And I think it's wonderful that you're conscious of these feelings and trying to figure them out.

Erika said...

I've found my double - across the other side of the world hehehe.

It's an issue I've been really trying to work with as well - people noticing while instead we just want to keep this personal. It's not though, that's human nature. People around you will notice and will care. They'll wonder whether or not they should encourage you or not, but they'll still want to do something.

How do you react to the people that notice?

Vadim said...

ok, newvison in that case change the way you look at your weight, anf weight you look at will change. I agree with Erika, people will notice. Its ok. But i can see why you would feel that way.

NewVision said...

Thanks everyone for responding. I am trying hard to make sure I'm prepared . I want to work through all the mental issues that goes with it.

Vadim, I like what you said about change the way you look at your weight and the weight you look at will change. I hope its that easy.

Thanks again everyone.