12-14-08 Sunday *

B- 2 c. coffee HC CO AS
(382 cals - 5.2 carbs)

L- Nothing

D-6 oz sirloin steak( 230 cals - 0 carb)
w/2 T one carb catchup. (10 cals - 2 carbs)
Fried cabbage w/onion and butter
(98.5 cals - 6.6 carbs)

SN-2 oz walnuts (380 cals - 4 carbs)
1 Russell Stovers SF toffee square (66 cals - 7.6 carbs)

Total Calories= 1167.1
Total Carbs = 25.5

Trying to do a little IF today. For some reason it seems like the earlier I eat in the day, the more I want to eat. If I can hold off and eat later, I'm not as hungry. As soon as I put some food in by belly then its like a signal that more is coming and my body starts craving it. Some days I can have really good control other days is just a fight to not eat the whole house.


Why are we overweight?
I've always been overweight. Even as a kid I was overweight. I guess then I just didn't know any other way. I was even ok with it, until I saw a picture of myself over 300 pounds. I then realized how far out of control I really was. I still have that picture. I cried over it for weeks. Why didn't I realize it before the picture? I don't know the answer to that. It was kind of like being the opposite of an anorexic. When I looked in the mirror, I didn't see my fat self. I saw someone who wasn't so bad. That picture opened my eyes.

Why are we staying this way?
I think I came across my answer a few years ago. I have it all. A great husband, a great son. A great marriage. I'm happy. My sister lost her husband to a heart attack at age 39. My brother lost his 2 girls to a drunk driver. My other sister, her husband has always had LOTS of health issues, her children have all spent time in jail. My younger brother, though now has turned his life around, was into drugs and hanging with people who weren't the greatest influence. If I lost the weight, I would have it all. Being fat was MY punishment for having a happy life when the other members of my family did not.
I also have issues with standing out. Not that anyone would give me attention for my looks, but my WHOLE family is over weight. I never wanted to be the one who stood out.

Why do we want to lose it?
Since the picture episode, I've always wanted to lose it. Just could never figure out how and not tip the issues I just listed above. Now that I'm older I just realized I have to do this for ME.

Why are we resisting?
I don't know the answer to that yet. I do know that when I see the scales going down. I usually will sabotage at some point. A few years ago when I got down to 230. Scared the tar out of me when people started noticing that I was loosing.

Why is this time different?
I've been working on not letting others get to me. It doesn't matter now what others think. I'm doing this for ME, no one else...
I also discovered Coconut oil. When I eat more fat I feel fuller. When I was LCing before I kept listening to the dietitians, doctors, and friends that fat was bad for you. So I would always try to cut it down. Which in turn would bring back cravings and the cycle begins all over again.

What am I focusing on this time to make it different - psychologically?
Trying to listen to my body and my needs. I was never a breakfast person. So I don't eat it now. I don't care if 'they' say its the most important meal of the day. If my body says its not hungry than I don't eat. Coconut oil has REALLY helped with this also.
I'm also focusing on -'I do have the right to be happy, what has happened to others is NOT my fault.' When I do lose this weight, it doesn't mean that I will lose what is important to me.

Thanks for posting the questions Erika.


pooti said...

Hey girl, good work on the weight loss!

I don't like using the flat outs because of the fake oil and partially hydrogenated soybean oil...have you tried using Cleochatra's cauliflower pizza crust? It's really pretty awesome.



Vadim said...

Good job! Keep it going!

Vadim said...

BTW, that pizza looooooks good! Can I invite myself next time you have it!Hopefully in two weeks when I am done with my little personal challenge!

NewVision said...

Thanks for the support!
I have tried the cauliflower, I wasn't sold on it. I could still taste the cauliflowery taste. But I have used the other LC pizza recipe that I have listed.
The Flat outs are just so darn quick, easy and good. I figure the fake oil and partially hydrogenated oil that I have once in awhile is still better than having what I use to eat ALL the time....I know, I know, its a double edge sword.. :}

Thanks and you can come to my home ANYTIME!!!!
I think you and the hubby would really hit it off.
Low carb Pizza and low carb beer, my house in two weeks. We have set the date.... :)

Vadim said...

lol, ok!