03-29-09 Sunday

B-2 coffee HC CO AS (only 1 w/CO)
10:30 am
2 scrambled eggs cooked in drippings from sausage
3 sausage links
2 LC Healthy life toast w/butter & SF jelly

L-Small salad, cheese, ranch
1 LC Brownie

D-4 oz pork steak w/ catchup
cauliflower & onions w/ butter, french onion dip

SN-Few bites of a Coconut Muffin I tried making. More later when I tweak recipe.

WT=238

none

Ok, It's time to snap out of this. I know in my head that medicating myself with food is not going to change anything. The car accident REALLY shook me up. The 2 boys I love most in the world were both in that car. I have spent the last few days living in 'What if' land. I have to stop it now. TODAY!!!!! The reality is everyone is ok. I have to put my head back in 'What is' world. The here and now world.

You see, I've spent too much of my life in 'What if' land. Running scenarios through my head. What would of happened if this......? What would of happened if that......? It can tear you down, it can rip you apart. It sends you into a depression you don't even know your in.

Their was a difference this time. I realized I was in 'What if' land. My eyes were more open. I knew I wouldn't be there long this time. I knew I was going to be able to pick myself up and dust myself off and move back into 'What is' world. Maybe something is changing for me. Maybe something is changing in me. Even though I still went back to medicating myself with food. I was able to recognize it and move out of it. In the past, it would have taken a lot longer to even recognize the place I was in.

Now, I know you all are ready to send the guys with the little white coats. This is just my way of working through it and trying to explain it in a way that makes sense.

They're coming to take me away,
Haha, they're coming to take me away,
Ho ho, hee hee, ha ha,
To the funny farm
Where Life is Beautiful all the time
And I'll be happy to see
Those Nice Young Men
In their Clean White Coats
And they're coming to take me AWAY,
HA HAAAAA

They're coming to take me away,
Haha, they're coming to take me away,
Ho ho, hee hee, ha ha,
To the happy home with trees and flowers
And chirping birds and basket weavers
Who sit and smile and
Twiddle their thumbs and toes
And they're coming to take me away,
HAHAAAAAAAAA


2 comments:

bayoubabe said...

Prayers to you , m y friend, things WILL get better, give it some time and toughtful prayer, keep looking UP>

Blessings your way,

Bayoubabe

Harry said...

This is a real sign of progress, IMO. Good for you, Jo! :-)

It's these inner victories that I think can help us to achieve our more tangible victories (like getting healthier physically).