10-17-2013 Thursday

This year has been the roughest year we have had in a VERY VERY long time. The world seemed to fall apart for a lil while. I had a hysterectomy in May. My father-in-law went into the hospital for congestive heart failure in June and never really recovered. He passed away the 2nd of September. I had him as my 'Pops' longer than I had my own Dad. I can't believe how much I miss him. I couldn't have loved him any more than if he was my own.

At the same time it seemed like everything else was falling apart as well. Our vehicles (not just once, but over and over), our house got hit by lightening and took out our furnace and a few other things. My sister had a MAJOR surgery and got an infection, to the point of it being life threatening and ended up having 4 more surgeries because of it. All life threatening. For several weeks I had both my Pops and my sister in the hospital at the same time, both in serious condition (They were both in same town, different hospitals but both still 45 mins away from where we live)Everyday we drove there twice. Once to take my mother-in-law to the hospital then go back home to work, then go back that night after work to pick her up and see how he was doing. The last 4 weeks or so, one of us was with him 24/7 while we all continued to work our normal jobs. My daughter-in-law got laid off and a week later so did my son. UGH!!!!! In the midst of all this my lil brother and his wife decided to move 3 hours away from us. I'm VERY attached to him and his little girl. While I totally understand the reasoning, this about did me in. It was the straw that broke the camels back. I'm a mess. REALLY. I'm sure there is more I'm forgetting.

Anyway, I was the last person on that long list to take care of. And for much of it, I did not take care of myself. I need to get to a place that no matter what is happening in life, I should take care of ME, no matter how selfish it sounds. -sniff sniff

So today, I have made an attempt to go back to low carb. I'm doing this for myself. I feel like I have to. I feel so bad. I'm tired physically and mentally, I'm not sleeping well and I'm just exhausted. I'm sure some of this is depression. But I have to start stepping in the right direction or at least feel like I'm going the right way in taking care of me. SOOoooooo..

B- 2 cups coffee w/CO - HC
1 1/2 Walmart sausage patties w/PB SF syrup

L-Salad w/lettuce, onions, cheese, celery, few soy nuts, Walden Farms dressing
few pieces of string cheese
few pieces of beef stick bites
1 can diet coke

D-2 egg omelet w/sausage and cheese
5-6 slices bacon
SF Tea 

SN-shelled peanuts
1 c milk, 4 Oreo cookies, 1 SF Toffee

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