06-06-09 Saturday

B- 2 coffee AS HC
2 hotdogs w/catchup

L-3 slices healthy life bread
peanut butter
sf jelly

sn- 4 saltines w/butter

D- 2 slices healthy life bread w/ egg, peanut butter, SF syrup
1 sausage patty

Sn-1 SF ice cream bar, 1 SF popcycle, chips, 2 glasses milk

Today was my Mom's birthday. She would have been 81 today. We lost her in August 2007 to lung cancer. I miss her more than I ever thought I would. I tried really hard not to let it bother me so much. But at the end of the day, when all the work was done, it sunk in. I caved and went to get chips and milk. They didn't make me feel better. I need to work on dealing with the mental pain and not turning to food to try to snuff out the emotional burn from within.

This morning (6-7-09 Sunday) I feel remorse over turning toward food for comfort. I'm such an addict.

3 comments:

Harry said...

Jo,

I understand the disappointment you feel about turning to food for comfort.

I was wondering something while reading your blog today. Do you have anyone that you can really share your feelings with? I know that you're quite candid in this blog. But I mean someone that you can turn to to actually verbalize your concerns and sorrow to?

Do you think having someone like that might help you? For some people it does. But, not for everyone. It's an individual thing.

I guess I'm thinking of either a good therapist or perhaps a support group. Ideally, it might be a family member or friend but I don't know if that's possible.

There's a pattern at play here. How can it be changed? I'm sure there's a solution. I just don't know what kind of option would feel right to you.

Please search within yourself and keep your ears and eyes open to see if there's an appealing course that can help you break this destructive pattern.

Finally, I just want to encourage you to not beat yourself up over having turned to food for comfort. This is a process that will take time to change. Your mind (or soul) is simply trying to cope with pain. It's just a message that it's giving you. Use it to help enact the right kind of "therapy" for you. It can be done. Others have been successful in doing it and you can too. Why the heck not?! :-)

jo said...

(((hugs)))

Thanks, we're having the same feelings this weekend, I gather.

To our great moms, remembered with love, cherished always.

NewVision said...

Harry,
Thank you for your encouraging words. I know someday I will figure this out, I feel closer to a solution. I'm aware I'm doing it now, even when I'm doing it and not just afterward. So I think that is some progress.

I do have brothers and sister that are more than likely feeling the same way I am about the loss of our Mom. I don't turn to them about this. If for some reason they are in a better place than I am, I don't want to bring them down. I know that sounds silly. My Hubby is a wonderful listener. He tries really hard to understand. Both of his parents are still living and he has never lost anyone close to him.

As for therapy I've never been. I can't really give you a reason as to why. I just don't feel justified spending the money on myself like that. I've never thought of a support group. I may have to check out the area see what is available. I'm not sure I could spew my feelings to a room full of strangers. The blog is different I don't see everyone's eyes upon me. This is actually the first time I've ever written my feelings publicly. So that is something I guess.

Thanks Harry!
--------------------------------

Jo,

To our great Mom's indeed !!!!